vampireapologist:

c-clearly:

vampireapologist:

I hate when I’m like “being a vampire would suck bc you can’t enjoy food anymore” and someone’s like “ok but in vampire books they talk about the ultimate pleasure of drinking blood so it’d be alright.”

and I’m like…No you know what. You know what like eating a super rich tiramisu or a plate of perfectly cooked medium rare lamb chops is also pretty pleasurable but for ffs sometimes I just want to eat a 20 pizza rolls. or like a pudding cup. I don’t want or need eating to be an Experience every time. I just. Want to eat this poptart.

Just fill the pop tart with blood jelly? Use blood instead of marinara sauce for pizza, and don’t even bother cooking that lamb chop, marinate it in human blood and eat it raw

Vampire Contestant on Chopped: I looked at the basket and thought, I literally have no cooking experience, but I’m definitely gonna kill one of the other competitors and cover these ingredients in blood.